Staying in the Room
Three practices for remaining when difference would rather you leave
Disagreement has become an almost intolerable strain on the modern moral imagination. It now triggers reflexive withdrawal, ritualised indignation, and the familiar theatrics of virtue.
So few people seem willing to remain in the presence of difference; fewer still are ever permitted to. The real question, then, is this: how do those who still wish to stay do so without being captured by the immense gravitational pull of identity politics?
The Three Practices, developed by Jim Henderson, are among the most significant resources I’ve come across for navigating precisely this terrain. They are profound in their intent, and disarmingly actionable in practice.
They are simple to name:
I’ll be unusually interested in others.
I’ll stay in the room with difference.
I’ll stop comparing my best with your worst.
I’ve been trained in the Three Practices and have experienced their impact firsthand. As our world continues to fragment and polarise, they have become increasingly compelling — and increasingly necessary as a response and antidote.
Recently, I interviewed Jim Henderson about how the Three Practices were conceived, how they developed, and how they are being lived out today.
Thank you for this interview. I recognized many things we discussed in our tutorial classes. I am grateful to meet and hear Jim Henderson and hear the story behind the three practices and his exciting vision for where this can all go. I pray we return to a civil time where such conversations are normal, even when we disagree.